remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
