I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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