My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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