I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
