Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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