One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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