1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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