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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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