When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The air was thick with penises
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Randomize
