its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I could make wine with my vomit
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
