you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
