Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
