I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
