Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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