I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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