I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Randomize
