I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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