I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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