We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
