I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
i would punch a child for taco bell
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
