Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Panties = found
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