I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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