Your favorite bartender is back from prision
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
