I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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