I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
