He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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