I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
