Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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