I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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