Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
