so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
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