she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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