I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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