Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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