if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
