I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
