I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
