I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
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