Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
