he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
