This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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