Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
