I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize