I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
