There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's always time for handjobs
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
