you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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