His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I could fuck to npr.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
