All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
