If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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