Porn is love you can see.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
