am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
