Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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