I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
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