The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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