i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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