I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Mom said you looked used
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
