My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
