I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
