Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
