"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
