dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
