I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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