Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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