i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
