its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
