can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
