What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
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Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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