i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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