DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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