i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
