I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Hello my rib-scented angel!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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