Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
