Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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