I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
