Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
