happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
