I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize